spice corner 016
Exploring the psychology of intent versus behavior, your average clean girl reflections, photos from Eid weekend, a controversial podcast episode, and May's top reads.
Happy Sunday, everyone! Welcome back to the 16th edition of my Spice Corner monthly updates. I took several days off in the past week and literally spent half my day in bed yesterday after my 3 hour drive back to my Airbnb. I couldn’t fail to deliver my weekly content, so I dragged myself out of my room this morning and parked at a coffee shop to whip up this post! This slow read is best enjoyed with your soothing beverage of choice. 🍵🫶🏽
monthly reflections
After drafting a roadmap of what I want my next 10 years to look like, I’ve had the epiphany that I need to be taking better care of my health. I’ve been doing the bare minimum of trying to sleep 7-8 hours, eating semi-healthy, and working out every week, but I feel like I need to be doing way more than this to ensure that my health does not get in the way of the goals I want to achieve. My wake up call was when a family member of mine was diagnosed with Celiac disease, and now I’m starting to wonder if I have a gluten allergy too. As they say, abs are made in the kitchen, and I’ve struggled with abdominal bloating for most of my life.
Along with taking care of my health, I’ve also been focusing on improving my self-care routine. I’m not really the type of girl to regularly get manicures, facials, waxes, etc. although I have dabbled in all of these things in short periods of time. The one thing that stops me is feeling like it’s a waste of money when I could be hitting my financial goal of paying off my student debt instead. However, since this is a multiple year process, neglecting myself in the long run is unhealthy. I recently got my hair dyed and blown out to a darker brown as my roots from my previous dye job were too blatant to ignore and my honey brown color had faded to a horrible orange. I also bought some polishes and other nail tools to give myself mani-pedis at home for a small fraction of what just one manicure would cost at the salon!
I debated with someone about whether or not human behavior can be neatly categorized. They argued that everyone is multidimensional and complex with their own backstories, so we shouldn’t be judging people. I don’t completely disagree with this, but I think depth doesn’t really matter all that much when so-called good intent doesn’t translate into good behavior. If you want to live a sane life, you have to understand behavioral patterns. Most people are actually very predictable when you study their behavior versus when you get lost in philosophical discourse about their childhood and developing traumas. If you’re past the age of twenty five, your frontal lobe (which controls executive functions) has fully developed1, which means that you are automatically disqualified from using your first heartbreak or your untreated mental illness from repeatedly hurting people.
visual diary
I spent the past week in DC with my family! These are just a few snapshots from Eid-ul-Adha and the days surrounding the holiday. I rarely wear pink but was glad I did for once. 🩷
podcast listens & tv shows
As I’ve shared in previous posts, listening to Bobo Matjila and her boyfriend Donavon engage in respectful intellectual debates is one of my favorite pastimes. This past week, they questioned the definition of love. Is it based on intent, action, or feeling? Love is just one of those things that has been historically difficult to put in a box because we’ve had different societal and individual perceptions of what it’s supposed to mean since human existence.
Bobo and Donavon went through two alarming real-life scenarios:
A sex addict boyfriend who states that he loves his girlfriend deeply and has a strong bond with her, but he can’t stop cheating on her. He has tried to delete his dating apps and release his energy with healthier habits, but the urge keeps returning.
A father who wants to tell his daughter’s boyfriend that his daughter was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder in childhood before his daughter and the boyfriend get engaged. He shares that his daughter actually does not feel any real love for the boyfriend, but has meticulously studied and applied how to be a good girlfriend.
At the end of the podcast, they came to the conclusion that the second scenario with the psychopath daughter may actually fit better under the definition of love (with her love being action instead of feeling based) versus the first scenario where the sex addict has intense feelings for the girlfriend but does not respect her enough to be honest with her and let her go.
Okay so I barely watch Pakistani dramas, but my mom got me hooked on this one! It revolves around three sisters who navigate their familial bonds while also trying to maintain their marriages and relationships. They all have such different dynamics with their significant others - while one couple deals with jealousy, another deals with dishonesty. And sometimes, these men get in between the sisters and their other family members. I have really enjoyed watching this drama because it’s a very realistic slice of life type of show, and its focus is on female empowerment and the importance of sisterhood. There are also a few positive male role models in the show, which makes it a good watch for everyone!
top monthly reads
I always love it when Zoha pops off with her commentary on religion. I stay far away from rigid representations of faith, because some of the worst representations of character I’ve ever seen are from self-proclaimed religious people. Zoha reminds us in this essay that even the lowest tier of sinners have access to the Divine that humans cannot revoke, and how God can be found in the least suspecting of places.
I always joke about how I can’t stand people whose only hobby is dating. Omar more tactfully explains in this essay how dating is a way to ward off the meaninglessness of existence. Dating quickly becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism when it’s manifested in seeking the chaos instead of a grounding partner.
Thank you for reading my May update! If you celebrated Eid, please let me know how it went.
If you get the chance, please like and/or leave a comment on this post as it boosts my engagement! The Substack algorithm has not been a friend of mine or for many other creators in the past few months.
Yours truly,
Aliena
There is evidence to support that the brain continues to develop and rewire in your late twenties and early thirties, but major neurological changes in the brain do appear to level off by age 25.
I loved this reflection and it inspired me to be on my self-care and health grind too!! The debate on love is really interesting, I like the conclusion they derived. Also belated Eid Mubarak!! I love your outfit and all the images you shared!!!
Looks like you’re in your “pouring into your own cup” era. So excited for you!