a gentle update

As winter shifts into spring, so do I.

Each season of life brings on a new meaning. It feels as if some are excruciatingly long while others fade in a millisecond. I’ve been thinking a lot about the past few years because it feels as if I am currently in a psychological liminal space. Being in the waiting room of your life is always the most difficult place to exist because there’s terror and excitement about what’s next.

Being in a waiting room is not the same as being stagnant. You don’t need to tell people about your plans until they come into fruition. Always keep others at a safe distance and never reveal your aces. That’s what I’ve learned, at least, after being alive for three-something decades.

And you absolutely need to take risks. There is a difference between a calculated risk and a foolish risk. One is well-informed while the other is not. Do your research, but never intellectualize things to the point that you end up in decision paralysis. Remember that the fear before a transition doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing the wrong thing.

If I didn’t move to another city in my late twenties, I would’ve always resented my hometown. If I didn’t turn down the suitors my parents presented to me, I would’ve been sadly staring at my reflection in a bathroom mirror and silently cooking a meal for a man I don’t love. If I stuck with the perfect Pakistani daughter script, I would’ve never started this Substack newsletter or had an enriching private mind that allows me to critically think every single day.

I’ve met so many interesting characters in my life I would’ve never imagined to meet if I’d stayed home in suburbia. I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to dream bigger. The flame of my ambition that currently exists would’ve been a mere ember. I think I care about people deeply because I put myself first. As the cliché goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

There is no merit or virtue in living a life of bad faith. Even if you think about this from a metaphysical perspective, killing your spirit leads to dissatisfaction, anger, and a lack of gratitude. I doubt any higher power cares about your textbook selflessness if it’s attached to negative emotions. If a bad season lasts for longer than a few months, it’s time to evaluate your commitment to authenticity.

I write this essay as I am in my own mental waiting room. I can’t wait to take you guys through a new season of life very soon. Please take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out in the comment section or my subscriber chat if you have any thoughts or questions you’d like to share with me. I will see you all on the other side, God willing. 💌