This was the perfect thing to read and think about today. It’s so hard to find third spaces, especially post covid. I hope as a society/generation we can bring more of this back in the states. I miss the feeling of community & camaraderie now that I wfh and live in a new city
I hope so too! I've seen people around our age open coffee shops/cafés so there's definitely hope out there 🥹 And I feel you, the irony of living in a big city is feeling so isolated despite there being so many people around us
I have always craved getting together with friends at cafes and more, but it’s only recently that I am realising that this is no longer happening in large part due to technology.
However, as someone who moved OUT of India to get those third spaces among other things, I would like to tell you that places like Paan shops and Tea stalls are a third place for men only. You mostly won’t find women there and if some do come on a regular basis, they will have quite a few stalkers.
That’s the reason I and many other girls of my age felt isolated back home. The only place that was safe and acceptable to meet was a person’s home which was not always feasible, also conversations at home often revolve around chores and housework which not everyone will be interested in especially in the younger generation.
Unfortunately this lack of community paradoxically causes women to drift further apart, getting together to be seen as community but gossiping about eachother all along.
This pattern continues where I am now in UK, where my Indian acquaintances maintain a superficial relationship and reserve their greetings from strangers while I get a nice hello from an old white lady in the park (old because only old people bother to talk to strangers now!).
Atiba, thank you for such a thoughtful comment and insight into third spaces in India!
I do think it's unfortunately the gender inequality in Pakistan, India, and other South Asian countries that makes thirds spaces and generally other public spots unsafe for women. I have to admit that the romanticization of our culture is futile until we address these deep underlying issues.
I'm surprised you have experienced similar in the UK as well! I do understand that the pandemic has made a lot of us glued to our phones and afraid of talking to strangers. It becomes easier when you start small (like with the elderly person you mentioned) and build up to talking to peers or other people your age. I think I'm going to have to make a post about the art of talking to strangers now that you have brought up this very important concern!
I think the reason why it continues here is because of insecurity especially in new immigrants. They stick to familiar people even if it’s only their family because they don’t want to be seen as an outsider.
This is so beautiful. I work remotely and am lucky enough to live a short walk from the public library which has a gorgeous cafe and rooftop patio on the top floor and features rotating collections from various local artists. Many of the afternoons I spent working here I'm reminded that third spaces are, while increasingly sparse, still among us, as I listen to students study together, old ladies join together for book club or society meetings, old friends catch up, and so on. This piece felt exactly how sitting there feels.
I love this reflection!! I feel like the lack of third spaces increases loneliness and the third spaces that do exist are decreasing in their crowds because of the internet. I totally agree that collectivist cultures have more opportunities for third cultures and the internet does offer a sort of third space but lacks some human connection. I hope that third spaces will make a comeback, thanks for sharing your list of third spaces, I definitely want to make more of an effort to connect with the local community.
It's much easier to speak freely online, but nothing can beat the subtle body language and warmth of sitting amongst your peers at your favorite hangout spot. Thank you for reading as always <3
Third spaces are so important for community as a whole and I do think other countries care about them more. Living in Mexico I see the importance of a local bar or hangout spot. We deserve the cafes we grew up watching and being promised!
it's so comforting to be a regular at a certain spot and feel like you're at home! I'm glad you're getting to experience more third spaces in mexico 🫶🏽
amazing as always aliena <3 i have been thinking about third spaces so much in the last week or so! it sucks growing up watching shows like friends or disney channel originals like austin and ally where all these teens and young adults had a common space to hang out and meet new people only to grow up and realise its somewhat of a myth. like... where is my luke's coffee shop?????
amazing as always aliena <3 i have been thinking about third spaces so much in the last week or so! it sucks growing up watching shows like friends or disney channel originals like austin and ally where all these teens and young adults had a common space to hang out and meet new people only to grow up and realise its somewhat of a myth.
THE SUGAR BOWL!!! Its the only place i wanted to go as a kid!!
This was the perfect thing to read and think about today. It’s so hard to find third spaces, especially post covid. I hope as a society/generation we can bring more of this back in the states. I miss the feeling of community & camaraderie now that I wfh and live in a new city
I hope so too! I've seen people around our age open coffee shops/cafés so there's definitely hope out there 🥹 And I feel you, the irony of living in a big city is feeling so isolated despite there being so many people around us
I have always craved getting together with friends at cafes and more, but it’s only recently that I am realising that this is no longer happening in large part due to technology.
However, as someone who moved OUT of India to get those third spaces among other things, I would like to tell you that places like Paan shops and Tea stalls are a third place for men only. You mostly won’t find women there and if some do come on a regular basis, they will have quite a few stalkers.
That’s the reason I and many other girls of my age felt isolated back home. The only place that was safe and acceptable to meet was a person’s home which was not always feasible, also conversations at home often revolve around chores and housework which not everyone will be interested in especially in the younger generation.
Unfortunately this lack of community paradoxically causes women to drift further apart, getting together to be seen as community but gossiping about eachother all along.
This pattern continues where I am now in UK, where my Indian acquaintances maintain a superficial relationship and reserve their greetings from strangers while I get a nice hello from an old white lady in the park (old because only old people bother to talk to strangers now!).
Atiba, thank you for such a thoughtful comment and insight into third spaces in India!
I do think it's unfortunately the gender inequality in Pakistan, India, and other South Asian countries that makes thirds spaces and generally other public spots unsafe for women. I have to admit that the romanticization of our culture is futile until we address these deep underlying issues.
I'm surprised you have experienced similar in the UK as well! I do understand that the pandemic has made a lot of us glued to our phones and afraid of talking to strangers. It becomes easier when you start small (like with the elderly person you mentioned) and build up to talking to peers or other people your age. I think I'm going to have to make a post about the art of talking to strangers now that you have brought up this very important concern!
Yes there are too many gender issues over there!
I think the reason why it continues here is because of insecurity especially in new immigrants. They stick to familiar people even if it’s only their family because they don’t want to be seen as an outsider.
I would love to read your post!
the sugar bowl omg. arthur was my favorite show as a child (honestly would totally watch it even now at 25 lol)!! loved this post!
thank you so much for reading 🫶🏽 I can't tell you how many times I've watched Arthur as a grown adult so definitely can relate with your sentiment 😭
This is so beautiful. I work remotely and am lucky enough to live a short walk from the public library which has a gorgeous cafe and rooftop patio on the top floor and features rotating collections from various local artists. Many of the afternoons I spent working here I'm reminded that third spaces are, while increasingly sparse, still among us, as I listen to students study together, old ladies join together for book club or society meetings, old friends catch up, and so on. This piece felt exactly how sitting there feels.
Your local cafe sounds like a dream! I am happy this post recreated the familiarity of your favorite spot <3
I love this reflection!! I feel like the lack of third spaces increases loneliness and the third spaces that do exist are decreasing in their crowds because of the internet. I totally agree that collectivist cultures have more opportunities for third cultures and the internet does offer a sort of third space but lacks some human connection. I hope that third spaces will make a comeback, thanks for sharing your list of third spaces, I definitely want to make more of an effort to connect with the local community.
It's much easier to speak freely online, but nothing can beat the subtle body language and warmth of sitting amongst your peers at your favorite hangout spot. Thank you for reading as always <3
Third spaces are so important for community as a whole and I do think other countries care about them more. Living in Mexico I see the importance of a local bar or hangout spot. We deserve the cafes we grew up watching and being promised!
it's so comforting to be a regular at a certain spot and feel like you're at home! I'm glad you're getting to experience more third spaces in mexico 🫶🏽
amazing as always aliena <3 i have been thinking about third spaces so much in the last week or so! it sucks growing up watching shows like friends or disney channel originals like austin and ally where all these teens and young adults had a common space to hang out and meet new people only to grow up and realise its somewhat of a myth. like... where is my luke's coffee shop?????
you're too kind jani 🥹💖 and YES watching tv shows like you mentioned makes it feel like I've been living in the wrong places my whole life!!
amazing as always aliena <3 i have been thinking about third spaces so much in the last week or so! it sucks growing up watching shows like friends or disney channel originals like austin and ally where all these teens and young adults had a common space to hang out and meet new people only to grow up and realise its somewhat of a myth.
thank you so much Halima 💖